Here’s how to approach women and put your best self forward (without being creepy).
Chances are, if you’re reading this, you don’t know how to approach women. Chances are also that you care about how to approach a woman. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be seeking this information. This attitude means you’re already off to a great start.
There’s a lot of information out there and different approaches to take. Much of the advice recommends being your most confident, radiant, smiling self. This is certainly not bad advice, but it might not best suit the less extroverted fellows out there.
Thankfully, there are other important aspects to the skill of approaching women that all types of men can learn from and utilize. These tips will apply whether you’re approaching a woman while you’re out or dating someone you already know.
How To Approach Women
How do you approach a woman? In this guide, I’ll focus on eight tips that touch on elements like personal style, the ability to read social cues, and how to handle rejection.
1. Clothing: Proper Style and Fit
Let’s face it: appearance does matter, mostly in the sense that you take care of yourself and present yourself in the best way possible.
As far as clothing goes, women don’t necessarily care which brands you’re sporting. (Unless you, by chance, hit up a woman enrolled in fashion school). They aren’t looking for brand labels on big logos on your clothes as you approach them.
What they are looking for, however, maybe even without knowing it, is that your clothes fit you properly and flatter your body. You don’t have to have the most fit body, but wearing clothes that fit your body will go a long way in making a great first impression.
Sometimes, men think that they need more expensive, more explicitly stylish, and more eye-catching clothing. However, even designer clothes will look terrible if not fitted properly.
Men often tend to wear clothing that is too large and baggy for them. Shorter men especially struggle with this. Consider getting a tailor or learning how an essential item like a man’s t-shirt should fit.
2. Mixed Signals or Negative Signals?
To stay on the safe side, read mixed signals as negative ones. This will help prevent you from coming off as creepy without intending to.
Some men might be totally unaware that they come off as creepy. The creep factor is usually a result of miscommunication and misunderstanding between two people. You’ve got to be sensitive to this.
Reading mixed signals as negative ones allows you to respect the space of the woman you’re interested in. Maybe you wave to her as you pass by and hold her glance for a second. If she gives a quick wave and goes back to whatever she was doing or whoever she was talking to, don’t push it any further than that.
The important part is that you initiated and showed your interest. If you were incorrect in your interpretation of the mixed signals and the woman was interested in you, she’ll probably reciprocate back at some point anyway. Maybe she’ll approach you again later in the night.
This also applies to messaging. If a woman doesn’t text or DM you back, don’t assume that she’s simply busy and hasn’t had a chance to reply.
If she wants to talk to you badly enough, she will respond. Send her one follow-up text at most and call it a day. She is definitely going to appreciate this approach more than having a man bug her and not leave her alone.
3. Authentic Smile
I’ve seen some advice that suggests every man needs to have the biggest and most confident smile. I have to say, though: Proceed with caution. Flashing a natural smile comes with practice. If you’ve got it down pat, go right ahead.
There’s surprisingly a lot of science to smiling. Scientists still don’t know exactly how many facial muscles are utilized while giving an authentic smile, but it can be at least 43.
I’m not saying you should avoid smiling. Just be sure you’re not going overboard and smiling unnaturally. (Unbroken eye contact and tight, forced facial muscles won’t make a good impression). Smiling does have positive effects on your brain that could help in stressful situations like approaching women.
The act of smiling releases neuropeptides (dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin) that are associated with lowering anxiety responses and serving as mood boosters.
Studies also consistently show that those who smile and make eye contact are rated as being more attractive than those who don’t.
I suggest paying attention to things in life that make you naturally happy and smile without even thinking about it. Then you’ll know what your natural smile feels like versus a nervous, forced one.
4. Best Way to Approach a Woman: Use Environmental Cues
A great icebreaker or conversation cue is to notice what’s going on around you. Maybe you’re out at a bar, party, or some other gathering. Is there a song playing you could mention? Is there any other social distraction to call attention to?
Ask what she’s drinking and if she recommends it. Talking about what’s going around you keeps the conversation light and moving and not stuck on just staring at each other. This also helps to prevent you from talking too much about the woman’s appearance.
Another simple way to initiate conversation is to offer to buy her a drink. She’s either going to accept or decline, and both are helpful indicators if you should continue talking to her.
Being an engaged and active listener during a conversation is a great way to form a genuine connection that can make a lasting impression and get you her number.
5. Grooming
Grooming goes a long way in making a great first impression. It’s not about what features you have but rather how you work with what you have.
Grooming styles also come down to personal preference. You probably won’t know if the woman you’re about to approach doesn’t care for beards and prefers a clean-shaven look.
This personal preference factor is not something you can prevent. However, the important part of grooming is that you should look as healthy as you possibly can.
Trust me, a woman will care more about the fact that you take care of yourself way above and beyond any features you might be insecure about. In general, focus on maintaining a skincare routine, hair routine, and don’t forget to tidy up your nails.
6. Get Comfortable With Rejection
This is the ultimate way to not come off as creepy. You might approach a woman out in public and have her flat-out reject you. This is hard to hear, but try not to take it personally.
There could be many reasons for the rejection that have little to do with you. The woman could be taken, single but not ready to mingle, or just having a night out with her friends. You could do everything in this guide correctly and you still simply just might not be her type at first impression.
You’re not going to be compatible with everyone, or even most people you meet. Otherwise, you would probably already be with someone if it were that easy. There are a few different factors for successful relationship compatibility, such as social, emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual needs.
Maybe in the beginning first impressions stage with a potential new partner, one or more of these differences are apparent. That’s okay!
The more you practice approaching women, the easier it will get to handle that sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Besides, you deserve to be with someone who is interested in you just as much as you are interested in them.
7. Read Body Language
Brushing up on your awareness of body language cues can help when trying to figure out if a woman is interested in you or not. Studies show that men, unfortunately, are not as good as women when it comes to picking up on these signals.
This is due to women having more active brain regions shown on MRI scans and women also generally being more aware of their surroundings.
Don’t feel discouraged! This just means that men just need to work a little harder and fine-tune this skill. Don’t solely rely on these cues alone, and don’t freeze up trying to analyze women either (as this could make you seem creepy).
Positive body language signs from women:
- Leaning toward you
- Smiling
- Increased eye contact and blinking
- Subtle mirroring of your body language
- Slightly parted lips
- Multiple cases of her “accidentally” touching you
Some negative cues to keep in mind are nervous foot tapping, crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, and shifting away from you.
8. Compliment Style Over Appearance
Similarly to how we discussed that your style and fit matter more than your looks, it goes for your woman of interest as well!
In general, women definitely don’t mind compliments (and being approached if they are single), but try to go beyond calling her hot or beautiful.
Try switching it up and complimenting her personal style. Maybe you like her jacket or shoes? This is a safer and lighter way to compliment her without making her uncomfortable.
Conclusion: Practice Makes Perfect
Give these eight tips a try next time you’re going out. Even if you already know some of these tips, it doesn’t hurt to reevaluate and see if there’s room for improvement.
Maybe you’ll be inspired to make a tailored appointment, think of new topics to talk about, or have a more positive attitude about facing rejection and mixed signals.
Either way, approaching women is a skill, and the more you know and practice, the easier it will become.
What’s your number one tip on how to approach women? Let us know in the comments below!
Steve says
Hey Brock,
This is one of your best editions! Absolutely tons of excellent advice. I took your advice on dressing for my age and updated my wardrobe and I constantly gets compliments. I have shared your information with my friends and told them to subscribe. Thanks for all you do!